I am talking with entrepreneurs from a variety of back grounds and industries. The conversations have been fun, rich, rewarding. I enjoy hearing who they are as we talk about what they do and how they do it. I get a charge out of the idea that maybe they’ll get some business with the release of their episode.
The podcast is titled Forging A Life. First episodes will be published in October. This is a long held idea now coming to fruition.
It is cool, exciting. And I am finding that I have to hold all the reasons (what is written above) that it is cool and exciting in front of me. I have to work at staying happy, positive and up beat. The story I could, and have, told myself is there is something wrong with me. I shouldn’t have to remind myself of the beauty in this project. What fills my head is doubt. What if the public thinks the podcast is lame? What if what engages me is just me and no one else cares? I need to be more articulate. I need to be more engaging. Curiously I love, admire, and appreciate everyone I’ve interviewed. THEY are awesome. What if I let them down? And on the head chatter goes.
In truth this is just my inner self, my subconscious, kicking into protection mode. It’s primary job is to keep me from emotional harm. I am at risk, vulnerable to rejection putting Forging A Life out in the world. As I am stepping firmly and clearly outside the comfort zone it has prepared for battle. Armed up with doubt, not enough, hired on The Inner Critic and is paying overtime. Nothing is wrong with me nor my inner child. All of this is quite normal. Thank God I have the training/awareness to recognize what is.
In another life I would have accepted the barrage as a sign I shouldn’t continue on this path. I would have decided I needed to FEEL confident before I could move forward. Now I know that is utter BS. Confidence, just like courage, is earned. You have to go through the fire of experience. Act in spite of doubt and fear.
So I do the practice of keeping myself engaged. Meditate, journal, read and speak out how awesome this project is. I remember to say “Thank you” and “I receive that” when people share their enthusiasm.
One interview last week was with a friend and coaching colleague. She is gorgeous with black hair, dark eyes, full lips, a radiant smile. She has the curves and the dance moves. We have trained together. I’ve been present for some of her biggest break throughs. I love and admire her.
When she told me how honored she was to be on my podcast I said the right words but felt the wall go up deflecting her appreciation. The Inner Critic leaped in. “She is playing a much bigger financially lucrative game that you are.” “Her beauty is flawless, unlike your own.” “She has gone deeper with her self work. That’s why she can be so cool and collected.” “You haven’t. That’s why you struggle” The Inner Critic is ruthless. It knows the pain points and has unerring accuracy. It can dominate, until, you call it out.
This round the off switch appeared when The Inner Critic suggested “She is just being kind.” That is not true. My friend is real, grounded, authentic. She sees the amazing in me. Knows my growth, been present for my breakthroughs. I was able to call out The Inner Critic by speaking out the sameness between my friend and I. We are the same age. We are both expanding our visibility in the world. Both stepping on to bigger playgrounds. She, like me, is stepping firmly and clearly outside the comfort zone. I know her inner child will have also gone on the defensive. That piece is present any time we are stepping out. Any time we significantly make our way in the world.
The wholehearted successful life is created through the emotional roller coster. Not in spite of it, but, because of it. With every challenge (internal and external) we have the opportunity to hone our perception. Ability, certainty, understanding, clarity, and confidence all come in the process of doing.
For Your Best Possible Self
Coach Christine Clark