I truly love what I do. Coaching I get to experience, almost daily, the flame of the human spirit bright, joyful, growing. It is a gift to witness their awareness, see them understand themselves better, watch as they let go and take on. I get to be the cheering squad. I also relish the deep and sometimes messy work of untying long standing knots and healing lifelong wounds. It is almost sacred. It takes courage on the part of the client. They have to choose to stay with the process, to not filter, to allow expression of what is present. Usually tears are involved.
In the fire of becoming your best possible self you will, at some point, have to face your demons. Coming to the knowledge that we have created our life through our own choices. That we have been and are the creators of our destiny. When we live in stress or irritation or anger or hurt or apathy we are choosing to do so. We were not always this way. These are learned behaviors. Usually early in our lives there was an original event, experience or trauma.
Sometimes there are patterns developed over time. We take on what is given us as children when we have no point of reference beyond ourselves and the circumstance surrounding us. We create stories, spawn beliefs and fabricate ways to navigate life. All this is the normal way the brain and subconscious help us manage.
As adults not all the ways we learned to manage serve us. The top priority of your subconscious, you’re inner three year old, is emotional protection. When we have internal wounds from loss, abandonment, shame, never measuring up, the layers of protection can be labyrinthine. Your inner child is wily. It will protect your emotional vulnerability at all costs.
When you recognize you are not your best version of yourself that awareness is the torchlight letting you know there is work to do. Changes to be made. But, if the constant stress, anger, sadness, irritability is an emotional protection (which they usually are) the wily inner child is hell bent to keep you confined to the current status quo. Why? Because the status quo is known. It is familiar. To release the anger and sadness means moving into unknown territory. You might have to give up an identity. You might have to forgive someone. The bigger threat, as far as the inner child is concerned, is facing and feeling the loss, abandonment, shame, never measuring up. Beneath the pile of spaghetti the wounds are still raw. You have heard the saying: you will remain the same until the pain of remaining the same is greater than the pain of change.
It is unfathomable what we will endure all the while wishing for something better. The wily inner child has us defending, protecting and justifying. We numb with alcohol, drugs, food, gossip. We claim “That’s just the way I am.” “I’ve tried everything.” “I tried X once I didn’t help.” “It’s God’s will.” We blame our parents, spouse or kids for not being who we need them to be. We point to the endless list of tasks, our work, all we do to care for and support those around us proving there is no time to give to ourselves. The real question is “Have you suffered enough?” Are you ready to put down your anger, stress, hurt, self doubt and breath deep the fresh air? Does your heart want to be unburdened and free?
If the answer is yes then begin, now. Do what you have not done before. This is important. Doing the same things expecting different results is insanity. Plugin with a support group, coach or counselor. Empty the house of all sugary snacks. Listen to motivational speakers. Read Brene Brown, Jen Sincero or any number of other self development authors. Have your doctor prescribe antidepressants. Meditate. Fast. Get radical; spend time with monks, do a silent retreat, take a sabbatical.
By taking a different tack you will automatically loosen the inner child’s protective grip. Other thoughts and possibilities will present themselves. You will ignite a spark to clear the stress, anger, doubt, sadness. You will begin unshackling a beautiful version of yourself. One of calm, happiness, certainty, and joy.
For Your Best Possible Self
Coach Christine Clark